How Attorneys Calculate Lifestyle Costs in High-Asset Divorce

When a high-net-worth couple decides to divorce, most people assume the hardest part is dividing the assets — the real estate, the investments, the business interests. In my experience representing clients in complex matrimonial matters, there is often a more complicated question underneath all of that: what does it actually cost to maintain the life we have been living?

This question — deceptively simple on its surface — is one of the most consequential in a high-asset divorce. And it is one that most clients, even very sophisticated ones, are not fully prepared for when they walk into my office for the first time.

What "Marital Standard of Living" Actually Means

In New York divorce proceedings, the marital standard of living is often a contested concept. One spouse claims that they were spending too much money on lifestyle and wanted to cut it down and the other spouse says “Well, this is what we spent”. Courts consider both sides when determining spousal support (also called maintenance).

When trying to capture the “marital standard of living" one must look at a composite of dozens of line items that, taken together, paint a picture of what the couple's life actually costs to sustain.

For high-net-worth families, that picture can be extraordinarily detailed. A lifestyle that costs $2 million per year might include:

• Housing — mortgage or maintenance on a primary residence, a second home, or both
• Household staff — housekeepers, nannies, personal assistants, drivers, security
• Children's education — private school tuition, tutoring, extracurricular activities
• Travel — international trips, private aviation, hotel accommodations
• Dining and entertainment — club memberships, restaurants, events
• Health and wellness — medical costs, trainers, therapists
• Charitable giving — ongoing philanthropic commitments
• Professional services — accountants, financial advisors, attorneys (outside of the divorce itself)

Every one of these categories has to be documented, analyzed, and ultimately justified — either to a spouse's attorney during negotiation, or to a judge if the case goes to trial.

How We Build the Picture: The Lifestyle Analysis

When I begin working with a client in a high-asset divorce, one of the first things we do is have someone fill out a statement of net worth which lists expenses so we can try to compute the annual spending. This is essentially a financial forensic process — we reconstruct the couple's spending patterns over the course of the last few years to establish what the standard of living actually was.

Step 1: Gather the Financial Record

This means going back through bank statements, credit card records, tax returns, and brokerage accounts — often for multiple years. We are looking for patterns, not just totals. How much did the family spend on housing each year? What did summer travel look like?

For many high-net-worth families, this documentation exercise alone can take weeks and sometimes requires close coordination between the attorney, a forensic accountant, and possibly a financial planner.

Step 2: Categorize and Normalize

Raw spending data is not sufficient on its own. We categorize every line item and then normalize it — accounting for one-time expenditures (a major home renovation, for instance) versus ongoing annual costs. What we are trying to establish is a repeatable, defensible picture of what the marriage cost to run on an annual basis.

Step 3: Project into the Future

For spousal support determinations, the analysis does not stop at the present. We also project forward: what will it cost for each spouse to maintain a comparable lifestyle going forward, given their individual income, assets, and obligations? This projection has to account for inflation, imputed income on investable assets, changes in the children's needs over time, and each spouse's ability to be self-supporting.

This is where the work becomes genuinely complex — and where having experienced matrimonial counsel makes an enormous difference.

Why This Analysis Is Often Contested

It is rare for both sides to agree on the lifestyle analysis. There are several common points of dispute:

• One spouse may argue that the other's spending was excessive or unilateral, and should not be used as the baseline
• Asset-heavy, income-light situations — common among inheritors and business owners — create disputes about what the couple could "afford" versus what they actually spent
• Commingled personal and business expenses create categorization disputes that can take months to untangle
• Lifestyle inflation during the marriage may have outpaced income growth, making future projections contentious

This is precisely why it matters to work with an attorney who has handled complex financial disputes before — not just someone who is familiar with the legal process, but someone who understands how financial analysis intersects with legal strategy.

What Clients Need to Do Before They File

If you are a high net worth individual considering divorce, there are things you can do now — before you even meet with an attorney — that will significantly improve your position when the lifestyle analysis begins.

• Gather several years of bank and credit card statements, tax returns, and investment account statements. The more organized you are, the less time (and cost) you will spend in discovery. Start documenting.
• Know which accounts exist, where they are held, and roughly what they contain. In many marriages, one spouse may handle finances, and the other does not. That knowledge gap can be costly in a divorce. Understand the accounts.
• The lifestyle analysis only works if your attorney has the full picture. Surprises during discovery — in either direction — create delays and problems. Be honest with your attorney.
• Many clients come in focused on what they have now. What matters equally is what they will need going forward — and what a realistic post-divorce life actually costs. Think about the future, not just the present.

The Bottom Line

High-asset divorce is not just a legal process. It is a financial reckoning — one that requires the same level of rigor and strategic preparation you would bring to any major financial decision. If you have questions about how this applies to your specific situation, I encourage you to speak with an experienced matrimonial attorney before making any decisions.

As Featured In

Wall Street Journal video — The Ultrarich Use This Divorce Lawyer. Here's How She Calculates Their Life Costs

Wall Street Journal — The Cost of Divorce

Wall Street Journal — High Net Worth Divorce Attorneys: Jacqueline Newman