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On episode 88 of the Schein On podcast, Evan Schein, family law attorney and partner at Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein, LLP was joined by author and marriage historian Stephanie Coontz. This interview was an eye-opening reality check on what marriage actually looks like today. Forget nostalgia. Forget fairy tales. Here are the key takeaways:
1. The Marriage We Imagine Never Really Existed
Coontz reminds us that the “perfect” love-driven marriage is a recent invention. For most of history, marriage was a business deal. Knowing that makes today’s relationship pressure — passion, fulfillment, effortless harmony look completely unrealistic.
2. The “Silent Divorce” Is Everywhere
Some couples don’t explode — they fade out. Emotionally checked out, living like roommates, technically married. Coontz calls it a “silent divorce,” and once you hear the term, you start seeing it everywhere.
3. Shared Power = Stronger Partnerships
Who are the happiest modern couples? The ones who split the load — money, childcare, decision-making, all of it. Equality isn’t just progressive; it’s practical. And it’s the strongest predictor of marital satisfaction.
4. Money Stress Can Break a Good Thing
Economic stability isn’t just background noise. It shapes whether a marriage thrives or breaks. Financial strain can make everything feel heavier. Coontz shares on the podcast how privilege, resources, and opportunity are now central ingredients in relationship success.
5. Divorce Isn’t Failure — It’s a Pivot
Coontz and Schein delve deep into how relationships evolve, people grow, and sometimes ending a marriage can be the healthiest move that can be made. Divorce can be a reset, something positive, and not a collapse. Schein talks about how this is something he sees firsthand every day and encourages his clients to look forward towards the next chapter.
Evan Schein’s interview with Stephanie Coontz on the Schein On podcast cuts through the fantasy of marriage and gets real about what modern couples face. Marriage today is more complicated, more demanding, and — when it works — more rewarding than ever. And when it doesn’t? Divorce can be the launchpad for the next, better chapter.
Check out this episode of the Schein On podcast featuring Stephanie Coontz https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unpacking-modern-marriage-with-stephanie-coontz/id1541360422?i=1000708315642.
Evan Schein is a partner and the Head of Litigation for Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein, LLP. The firm exclusively practices family and matrimonial law and maintains offices in New York City, Westchester, Long Island, New Jersey and Florida. You can learn more about Berkman Bottger Newman & Schein at www.berkbot.com.